(Personal) Our Stressful Pregnancy Journey

Hello loves.

Its been awhile since I talked about my personal life. I find it important to note it down as it serve as a motivation to myself and many others who are trying so long to conceive. I was one of them. 2 years of trying may sound short and less of a difficulty to some but it feels like a million years to me. Hubby and I have gone through uncountable disappointments throughout our trial and error period.

Currently, I am now in my second trimester and before I talk about my exciting first pregnancy journey I'd like to share with you our 'stressful' conception process.

Before I start the story, do note that I'm a hypothyroid patient.


We have been trying ever since we signed our papers.
We had our papers signed on 15th October 2016.

This was a screenshot of when we signed our papers.
It was honestly awkward and exciting coz the process happens in Hokkien XD

We then got married on 16th December 2016.

A pretty shot by my photographer.
Feels really blessed. Love you mommy daddy <3

Prior to trying we assumed getting pregnant was super duper easy and that we do not have to be stressful or be troubled about it. That is why I was really firm with only trying after everything is done.

We are so wrong!
Stress got to us---- I mean, me, fast!

For half a year we have been trying naturally, with high hopes. I had been diagnosed with hypothyroidism since 2016 at our pre-marital check up in BP Pathlab. We went for some follow ups here and there but not anymore when I am in KL. I just continue taking the same dosage without any follow ups *facepalm*
It was after that only I realized that the pre-marital test offered in BP does not include sperm test. Hubby did not want to do that since he first agreed to do it and assumed it was included in the package. My bad, didn't ask properly. My report diagnosed by the doctors in BP says that I have PCOS. I then went to check with 2 other doctors to confirm the report and they say that it was actually my period about to start so that's why they see cysts-like stuff but its not PCOS.

Mid 2017 was another half a year later of trying naturally and our hope slowly died.
At mid 2017 itself we went for TCM first as it seems to be the safest but maybe slowest option. My first TCM told me to not conceive first, instead, she advised me to regulate my menstrual cycle for a more stable and healthy pregnancy. Went for a few times for regulation but gave up and changed one or two other TCM in between. It either take too long to regulate or the med just did not suit me.

Next, we tried around 3-4 times of Clomid prescription by 2 different clinics but to no avail too.
I had about 3-6 eggs ok and I think it was either my thyroid hormone level or stress that makes it a big failure.

Can you believe we even purchased a so-called "magic pants" that can help with conception and medication is not needed? It cost RM1.2k and I am not super duper happy with it. Its basically a body shaping pants that consists of several pieces of lava rocks thing and one should wear it for at least 8 hours a days and drink 8 glasses of warm water each day to fully optimize the effect of the pants for conception. Of course I wore it several times and stopped coz I eventually had UTI more frequently coz I wore the pants too high up and maybe 'suffocated' my sensitive V part. XD

In the early 2018, we went to another TCM recommended by my sis-in-law. He is famous in getting people conceive fast, if you followed his to-dos and not-to-dos. We almost conceived one but my womb is said to be not 'warm' and strong enough for the embryo to 'stick' to the wall thus it slipped and I was really sad after. The TCM doctor was also agitated as we were one of the toughest patients he had to deal with and normally his patients will be pregnant by the third cycle of 12-day medicine prescription at most. He asked me to have my thyroid followed up. I got another round of med to regulate my menses (it did regulate my menses cycle pretty fast!) and that's it. Around June or July 2018 was when we stopped taking any med from the TCM doctor.

In September 2018 I had my thyroid followed up at Subang Jaya Medical Center and by November 2018 it was stabilized. The doctor told me I can get pregnant anytime now but I will need to get back to him once I am confirmed pregnant. This marks the moment where we stopped trying everything and eventually gave up habits including always excited checking my ovulation calendar, taking the TCM med and etc.

 I was devastated. Both the TCM and Clomid trials brought multiple disappointments to the both of us. I even had false pregnancy symptoms multiple times and that sucks bad. We were also being really careful in not consuming alcohol (me), carrots (red& white), tea, lime and lemon(including food like tom yam, "asam" (in Malay, it basically means anything sour I think), as well as a kind of vege called "Cai4 Bu3 (in Mandarin, its a kind of vege that is very chewy and nice and added on fish for the extra chewiness). We were also rushing for certain Chinese zodiac to begin with and the stress from in-laws comes in after a year of our marriage. I too was rushing my hubby to get me pregnant coz my granny was sick at the end of December 2017. I wanted her to see me pregnant but it was not a thing to be rushed.

At that point of time other than feeling sad and somewhat depressed, I questioned why hubby don't want to do the sperm count test and self-blaming. In the end we just gave up.

We just forget & give up on the urge to want to get pregnant fast.

Giving up is the best gift!
We started by giving up.
Eat more home cooked, healthy meals.
At least 2 dish of leafy green veggies a day.
Finally resuming my long-stopped supplements consumption eg Vitamin C, etc.
Not doing any noting down for my period calendar app, and just eat whatever I feel like including those I cannots with minimal amount.
He did all the above except the supplements but took more fruits instead, as well as increasing the frequency in doing his usual exercise.

Surprisingly in December 2018, a few days after TBP Christmas Party on 8th December 2018, I was having spotting. I assume it was something really normal for me as I normally spot a day or two and it will eventually get heavier and my normal period is here. But this time my spotting is about 5 days and I am 1 week late for my period (according to my period app). I asked my mom if I should get some Home Pregnancy Test (HPT) kit and my mom says no coz she's worried it'll come out as a false test if testing it toooo early. I told her what if its really a real pregnancy and its not stable coz of my thyroid issue?

Soon after, on 13th December 2018, after work, I had my baby sis brought me to purchased my HPT kit and my dinner.
The same night after a shower, while hubby is out, I decided to do the test.

Can you imagine the surprise to finally see 2 freaking lines?

I squeaked like a cat and just cannot contain my excitement. Tried calling mom and sis but I guess everyone was sleeping by then. So I decided to only tell them after hubby and I go for a 100% confirmation ^^

It was god sent.
I am really really excited at the moment and I shrieked and jumped like I won a lottery.
Wanted to tell hubby but he did not understand the pregnancy test picture I sent.
Came back and ask him to see again and he was over the moon.
The next morning we went to the ER to confirm my pregnancy and they refer me to their gynae to 100% confirm if there is a sac or not. If I wanna confirm in the ER it will only be the same urine pregnancy test.

I was really scared that time if I were to scan and there was no sac and we will be heartbroken again.
Thank god it was good news all the way <3 and my HPT worked.

Thank you! Finally seeing a scan with sac!
The doctor I was seeing did not congratulate me immediately as it was about 5 weeks in, which is still very early. She asked me to come back again in 2 weeks time to see whether there's a yolk that will resemble a healthy pregnancy. A big congratulations from the doc at my week 7 of pregnancy with my precious pic of yolk! <3 Thank you God for helping us with the pregnancy! Did I tell you I have been praying for one since 1 year ago? But I was not an avid believer in Buddhism and hubby is. He started praying for one since the beginning of last year for a piglet, not a puppy so.... XD
I think that's why our TCM is failing XD
But anyways, thank you God for bringing us this little life after 2 years of our marriage. It definitely wasn't an easy journey and I appreciate that hubby is all in with me throughout. <3

Thanks love for always being by my side no matter what happens.
May we be good parents for our little one ^^
This picture was taken when I am 3 months plus, credits to my baby bro.

Also, hop over to Careen's post as I find a lot of inspiration and uplifting words from her post!
I can feel her situation and I believe many will find it an inspiring post. I love the verse she wrote in end of her post, "It is truly when we have Faith and totally surrender into God's hands that we can have true peace within. And when we surrender and let go, only can God perform His wonders and miracles."

That's all for now and I hope this post is helpful to you somehow!


No comments