CHOICE. My Opportunity or Risk?

Choice.

Paths are like choices given to us in every phase of our life. A difficulty where we need to choose and get through. Hopefully in time it would prove to ourselves that it was a wise choice.
(Picture above is not mine. Image taken from Google)


Do you like the many choices given to you in life?
Choices in my opinion are nice and easy to decide when the impact is small BUT it is so not nice when you know the choice you made brings grave impact to your future life. In every phase of life there must be at least one that would require you to decide something of grave importance (depends on how you define it). I am facing one now. My current matter may seem small for you but it is super important for me. Today's post is dedicated to me, myself and I.

(This is a super personal post. Do skip reading this because I am sure I will bored you to death. Just needed to note down my feeling and my mini but important dilemma).


Let's rewind back to 19th September 2014.

Dressed formally and sat at a round table for a group interview for Masters in Counseling program in HELP University.

(Picture above is not mine. Image taken from Google)

Three questions were asked.
1) Introduce yourself. People introduce their names and what they had done and had been doing before this interview. Most of the applicant there were very well exposed to the working environment. No one (I think) mentioned about their part time job experiences other than their full time job and also the volunteering work. I was too nervous and totally forgot to mention about my part time job experiences. *sigh*
2) Why Masters in Counseling? No textbook answers. There were many inspiring answers given by the many other magnificent people I met there. And they do seem that they truly want and know that counseling is the place for them. I know why I wanted it. TO be honest, I am not 100% sure that I want to be in it. I like this course because I was thinking to help and lend ear to people I love or even strangers. Secondly, I think this course can aid me in improving my communication skills. Thirdly, I like the area of behaviorism and I can further explore this are in this course.
3) How do you de-stress yourself? Blah blah blah.

The session ended with a brief Q&A session. It is also stressed that applicants with no exposure to a working environment (referring to fresh fresh graduates) would "feel more" when they are doing their intern. After that, the session ended and we left the room.

That's how I feel inside. But I can't. I look teary according to my friend when I see them though. Need a hole right now. (Picture above is not mine. Image taken from Google)

Upon seeing my friends in the DSA room, deep inside I felt so incapable. So incapable if I were to counsel a working adult. Hmm. I personally am not a extrovert person. Nor am I good in starting a conversation or keeping it running smoothly. So in the mean time I did not really want to think much about it. Thus I do not need to feel all the disappointment in the world before any answers were given.

For some time I have been wondering and talking to family members and friends.

After a week plus, I told my friends and parents that I would want to work first even if I got accepted or not into the program.

Exactly two weeks later (03/10/2014), there is still no reply. My urge to want to continue the program went down some more. I already told myself that I wouldn't get a place since there were so many strong competitors that day.

And today (09/10/2014), I got a reply. An email notifying me that I have been offered a place for M.Counseling at HELP University. I felt happy. BUT at the very same time, the feeling of reluctance, confuse, and not ready.

I clearly know why I wanted to do counseling, But at the same time I don't think studying continuously had allowed me to grow fully as a functional person. I just think that throughout the period of studying, I am just growing intellectually. But what about me as a whole person. So yes. That is one. Next is, I would want to travel first and think through of what job I want first in what field. For me it is something really big and important (so it'll mean no long holidays and all) thus I should travel now if I can. Thirdly, continuing to study or not would be dependent on whether I want to and still have the passion to do so. I think by doing so, I would grow and live myself more fully and just ignore the norm whereby Asians just wanted to complete their education fast fast (that was my thinking last time, not now anymore) and work. I think I would be more comfortable in taking things to my pace to think slowly and choose wisely (hopefully).

If you're in a dilemma like me, what would you do?

Please suggest something serious. I am  really in doubt of myself sometimes. (Picture above is not mine. Image taken from Google)
Thank you for reading this boring post. ^^

No comments